Couple therapy · Individual & family therapy
Relationship-focused therapy for couples, individuals and families.
Structured, evidence-based couple therapy, whether you want to strengthen a loving relationship, prepare for what's next, or find your way through a difficult time.
Services
How I can help
My main focus is couple therapy. I also work with parents, adult families and individuals on relationship concerns. I welcome people of all backgrounds, cultures, genders, sexualities and family structures.
Couples
Strengthening your bond, life's next steps, and harder times.
Learn more →Parents
Working as a team, from a new baby to an empty nest.
Learn more →Families
Adult family members understanding each other through a difficult time.
Learn more →Individuals
Separation, dating, self-worth and relationship patterns.
Learn more →Mediation
Limited availability, by enquiry.
Learn more →The family lifecycle
Every stage of life reshapes the whole system
Each of us grows up within a family system. Every transition affects the individual, the couple and the wider family, though each family's path and order is different.
Leaving home
Becoming an adult while staying connected to our family of origin.
Forming a couple
Committing to a new partnership and joining two families.
Building a life
Work, achievement, a home, purpose and meaning.
Young children
Making room for a new generation, from baby to toddler.
School years & adolescence
Primary and secondary school, and loosening boundaries.
Launching & midlife
Children leaving home, midlife questions, rediscovering the couple.
Caring for ageing parents
Supporting the older generation while still supporting our own.
Later life
Our own ageing, and passing the baton to the next generation.
Across generations: patterns passed down through families shape how we meet each transition and life's unexpected events.
Based on the family life cycle framework of Betty Carter and Monica McGoldrick. McGoldrick, M., Garcia Preto, N., & Carter, B. (2016). The Expanding Family Life Cycle: Individual, Family, and Social Perspectives (5th ed.). Pearson.
Couple therapy
Investing in your relationship
Couple therapy isn't only for times of crisis. Many couples come to strengthen a loving relationship or prepare for what's next. Others come when things feel harder. Either way, we look at what is happening between you, not who is to blame.
Strengthening your bond
- Deepening connection and communication
- Next steps: moving in, marriage, buying or selling a home, renovating or relocating
- Preparing for a baby, and life after baby
- Pre-marital counselling
When things feel harder
- Recurring conflict or growing apart
- Rebuilding trust
- Illness, loss and life changes
- Deciding on the future together
Informed by Gottman, Imago, Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy, differentiation (Bowen, Schnarch) and Esther Perel. About these approaches
How we begin
- Joint sessionYour story, goals, and how you communicate.
- Relationship questionnaireThe Gottman Relationship Checkup, done online.
- Individual sessionsEach partner meets with me privately.
- Feedback & communicationFeedback, goals and a plan, with an assessment and introduction of how you communicate together.
Assessment usually follows these stages but may vary. Where there are safety concerns, or significant alcohol or drug use, I may recommend individual or specialist support first.
Parents
Parenting as a team
For parents at every stage, from a new baby and growing family to teenagers, young adults and children leaving home. Sessions are for parents only; children are not in the room.
Early years & a growing family
- Preparing for a baby, and life after baby
- Fertility journeys, IVF and pregnancy loss
- Deciding whether to have another child
- New roles, identities and returning to work
- Intimacy and connection after a baby
Working as a team
- Aligning your values, approach and triggers
- Discipline, routines and screen time
- Sharing the load, including the mental load
- Stress, sleep and exhaustion
- Repairing after conflict, especially in front of the children
Wider family & later stages
- Extended family, in-laws and grandparents
- Blending cultures and family traditions
- Parenting a child with additional needs
- Parenting teenagers and young adults
- Children leaving home, and rebalancing focus back to your relationship and yourselves
Informed by developmental, psychosocial and attachment-based theory, Bowen family systems theory, and evidence-based parenting approaches including Triple P and Parent-Child Interaction Therapy. Sessions follow the couple assessment and couple fees. Where needed, I may recommend specialist perinatal support, such as PANDA.
Parents
Grounded in research
Coparenting
How parents agree, support each other, share the work and manage family life together.
Feinberg (2003)
The transition to parenthood
Two-thirds of mothers report lower relationship satisfaction after a first baby. Friendship and gentle conflict protect couples.
Shapiro, Gottman & Carrère (2000); Cowan & Cowan (1992)
Family of origin & attachment
We parent partly as we were parented, so values and triggers often have deep roots.
Bowen family systems; attachment theory
References
Theory & research behind my work
My research
- Cantrill, M. (2020). The family help seeking experience: Adolescent acute mental illness & the first hospitalisation [Doctoral thesis, UNSW Sydney]. UNSWorks. View thesis
Couples
- Gottman, J. M. (1999). The marriage clinic: A scientifically based marital therapy. W. W. Norton.
- Hendrix, H. (1988). Getting the love you want: A guide for couples. Henry Holt.
- Johnson, S. M. (2004). The practice of emotionally focused couple therapy: Creating connection (2nd ed.). Brunner-Routledge.
- Perel, E. (2006). Mating in captivity: Reconciling the erotic and the domestic. HarperCollins.
- Schnarch, D. (1997). Passionate marriage: Love, sex, and intimacy in emotionally committed relationships. W. W. Norton.
Individuals
- Boss, P. (1999). Ambiguous loss: Learning to live with unresolved grief. Harvard University Press.
- Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and loss: Vol. 1. Attachment. Basic Books.
- Erikson, E. H. (1950). Childhood and society. W. W. Norton.
- Hazan, C., & Shaver, P. (1987). Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52(3), 511–524.
- Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85–101.
- Sbarra, D. A., Law, R. W., & Portley, R. M. (2011). Divorce and death: A meta-analysis and research agenda. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 6(5), 454–474.
- Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (1999). The dual process model of coping with bereavement. Death Studies, 23(3), 197–224.
Families & parents
- Bowen, M. (1978). Family therapy in clinical practice. Jason Aronson.
- Cowan, C. P., & Cowan, P. A. (1992). When partners become parents: The big life change for couples. Basic Books.
- Feinberg, M. E. (2003). The internal structure and ecological context of coparenting. Parenting: Science and Practice, 3(2), 95–131.
- McGoldrick, M., Garcia Preto, N., & Carter, B. (2016). The expanding family life cycle (5th ed.). Pearson.
- Shapiro, A. F., Gottman, J. M., & Carrère, S. (2000). The baby and the marriage. Journal of Family Psychology, 14(1), 59–70.
Family therapy
For families working through a difficult time
I work with the adults in a family: parents, partners, adult children and siblings. When a child or teenager is struggling, our sessions focus on supporting the adults around them, and I'm glad to suggest services for young people where that would help.
- Parents supporting a young person through mental illness
- Conflict between adult family members
- Blended families and changing roles
- Co-parenting after separation, including court-ordered work
- Illness, disability or the death of a family member
How we begin
- Joint sessionWhat has brought you in and what you hope will change.
- Individual sessionsEach person shares their perspective privately.
- Feedback & communicationFeedback and goals, with an assessment and introduction of how you communicate as a family.
Assessment usually follows these stages but may vary.
Individual therapy
Rebuilding yourself, and how you relate
For adults moving through separation, a new chapter or a difficult time. We look at your patterns with curiosity rather than judgement, working towards relating to others, and to yourself, with greater kindness, love and acceptance.
Relationships & dating
- Returning to dating, at any age or stage
- Understanding your attachment style
- Recognising healthy relationships and warning signs
- Setting boundaries and speaking up for your needs
- Forming healthy bonds without losing yourself
Separation & rebuilding
- Adjusting after a recent separation
- Grief and loss, including ambiguous loss
- Loneliness and rebuilding connection
- Co-parenting, blended families and step-parenting
- Recovering after infidelity
Self & life stage
- Rebuilding your sense of self after a long-term relationship
- Self-compassion and self-worth
- Recognising and changing patterns from your family of origin
- Midlife, the empty nest, retirement and caring for ageing parents
- Anxiety, low mood and stress
Assessment usually takes two sessions: an assessment session, then goal setting, feedback and planning. It may take longer where circumstances are complex. Medicare rebates may apply.
Individual therapy
Grounded in research
Attachment in adult relationships
The bonds formed early in life shape how we seek closeness and respond to partners as adults.
Bowlby (1969); Hazan & Shaver (1987)
Grief after separation
Healthy adjustment moves between facing the loss and rebuilding life. Some losses remain unresolved, or ambiguous.
Stroebe & Schut (1999); Boss (1999); Sbarra et al. (2011)
Self-compassion & patterns
Treating ourselves with kindness supports change, while family-of-origin patterns help explain what we repeat.
Neff (2003); Bowen (1978); Erikson (1950)
Mediation
Family dispute resolution
As an accredited Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner, I offer a limited number of mediations for separated couples and parents. I help people reach considered agreements about their children's care and future, and about property and financial matters. This includes parents referred or ordered by the court. Availability is by enquiry.
How it works
- Individual assessmentEach person meets with me separately (90 min).
- Joint mediationIf suitable, we meet together to reach agreements.
Fees are paid in full upfront and are non-refundable. See policies.
Getting started
Every new client starts with a free intake call
After a 15-minute phone call, we book an assessment. Assessment helps us decide together whether this service is right for you.
Couples
- Joint session
- Questionnaire
- Individual sessions
- Feedback & communication
Parents
- Joint session
- Individual sessions
- Feedback & communication
Families
- Joint session
- Individual sessions
- Feedback & communication
Individuals
- Assessment
- Goals & planning
Mediation
- Individual assessment
- Joint mediation
Before your first session, each person completes a consent form, intake form and brief questionnaire privately. The number of sessions may vary with your circumstances.
About
Dr Mary Cantrill
I am a clinical social worker and couple and family therapist with a PhD in social work and more than two decades of experience. Much of my career has been in NSW Health tertiary statewide services, including child, adolescent and family psychiatry across inpatient, outpatient and day patient programs.
In private practice, I bring a systemic, relationally informed approach that is warm, structured and trauma-informed.
Families are often the most enduring resource a person has, and never more so than in times of crisis.
My approach
Warm, structured and relational
My approach is warm, empathic, non-judgemental and trauma-informed, while remaining structured and goal-directed. Together we explore the patterns behind difficult interactions and build skills to practise in and between sessions.
Gottman Method
Developed by Drs John and Julie Gottman from decades of research observing couples. It focuses on building friendship and fondness, managing conflict constructively, and creating shared meaning, using a model called the Sound Relationship House.
Gottman (1999)
Qualifications
Training & accreditation
- DoctoratePhD (Social Work), UNSW. A research doctorate; I am not a medical doctor.
- MastersMaster of Couple and Family Therapy (Distinction), UNSW
- PostgraduateGraduate Diploma in Family Dispute Resolution, College of Law
- DegreeBachelor of Social Work (Honours), UNSW
- AccreditedAccredited Mental Health Social Worker, full member of the AASW
- RegisteredFamily Dispute Resolution Practitioner, Attorney-General's Department
- ExperienceOver 20 years in NSW Health and private practice
- OngoingRegular external clinical supervision, ongoing training and current professional accreditation. I also provide clinical supervision to other practitioners.
Research
What families taught me about asking for help
My doctoral research explored help-seeking, grief and the family experience, from the parents' perspective, across an adolescent's acute mental illness: from the first signs of crisis, through a first psychiatric admission, to the return home and beyond.
Seeking help
Moving between GPs, school counsellors and private specialists in search of the right care.
Crisis & the emergency department
Repeated presentations, and the roadblocks families meet along the way.
The first admission
The forced separation, the grief it brings, and its impact on the young person and family relationships.
Coming home
The transition back home, living with the illness, and the level of care required.
After admission
The post-discharge process, and how families adjust over time.
In my practice: this research deepened my understanding of grief and of how crisis reshapes family relationships. It calls for family-centred, trauma-informed care in partnership with families.
Cantrill, M. (2020). The family help seeking experience: Adolescent acute mental illness & the first hospitalisation [Doctoral thesis, UNSW Sydney]. Read on UNSWorks
Resources
Resources for between sessions
Reading, videos and tools I often recommend. They are a supplement to, not a substitute for, individual professional advice.
Recommended reading
Books for couples, parents, individuals and families.
View books →Imago Dialogue
A step-by-step sender and receiver script for couples.
View script →Making Marriage Work
A talk by Dr John Gottman on what makes relationships last. Read the tips before watching.
Read first →References
The research and theory behind my work.
View →Read first, before watching
Making Marriage Work
A talk by Dr John Gottman (The Gottman Institute) on what makes relationships last. These tips will help you get the most from it.
Tips for watching
- Choose a calm timeWatch together, without distractions.
- Watch with yourself in mindNotice what you bring, how you behave, what you could work on.
- Pause partway throughStop midway and take a few minutes to talk.
- Talk about yourselfShare what you're learning about you, using "I" statements.
- Don't point the fingerAvoid pointing out what your partner does or doesn't do.
- Make notes for sessionJot down what you noticed about yourself to discuss in your next session.
- If it gets heatedStop, and bring it to your next session.
Imago Dialogue
Sender and receiver script
A structured way to talk about something important, developed by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt. One partner speaks (the sender) while the other listens (the receiver). Then you swap.
Before you start
- Sender: "I'd like to have a dialogue. Is now a good time?"
- Receiver: "I'm available now." (or suggest a time soon)
- Sender: speak in short sections, using "I" statements, without blame.
Receiver: mirror & summarise
- Mirror: "If I got that, you said… Did I get it? Is there more?"
- Summarise: "Let me see if I got all of that…"
Receiver: validate & empathise
- Validate: "You make sense, and what makes sense is…"
- Empathise: "I imagine you might be feeling… Is that what you feel?"
- Validating means understanding, not agreeing.
Start with small topics and practise in session before tackling bigger issues. Read more from Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt ↗
Recommended reading
Books I often recommend
Accessible books written for the general public, to read alongside or between sessions.
Couples
- Gottman, J., & Gottman, J. Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
- Gottman, J., & Silver, N. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
- Hendrix, H., & Hunt, H. L. Getting the Love You Want
- Johnson, S. Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
- Perel, E. Mating in Captivity
- Perel, E. The State of Affairs
- Schnarch, D. Passionate Marriage
Parents
- Biddulph, S. Raising Boys
- Biddulph, S. Raising Girls
- Brackett, M. Permission to Feel
- Faber, A., & Mazlish, E. How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
- Faber, A., & Mazlish, E. Siblings Without Rivalry
- Gottman, J. Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child
- Gottman, J., & Gottman, J. And Baby Makes Three
- Kindlon, D., & Thompson, M. Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys
- Perry, P. The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read
- Sanders, M. Every Parent
- Siegel, D., & Bryson, T. P. The Whole-Brain Child
- Siegel, D., & Bryson, T. P. The Yes Brain
Individuals: dating, separation & self
- Ahrons, C. The Good Divorce
- Boss, P. Ambiguous Loss
- Brackett, M. Permission to Feel
- Brown, B. The Gifts of Imperfection
- Eifert, G., McKay, M., & Forsyth, J. Act on Life Not on Anger
- Gibson, L. C. Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
- Lerner, H. The Dance of Anger
- Lerner, H. The Dance of Intimacy
- Levine, A., & Heller, R. Attached
- Neff, K. Self-Compassion
Families & family of origin
- James, O. They F*** You Up: How to Survive Family Life
- McGoldrick, M. You Can Go Home Again: Reconnecting with Your Family
Books are a supplement to, not a substitute for, individual professional advice.
Fees
Sessions & fees
| Service | Length | Fee |
|---|---|---|
| Intake call | 15 min | Free |
| Individual therapy: first assessment | 75 min | $310 |
| Individual therapy: ongoing sessions | 60 min | $250 |
| Couple / family: first joint assessment | 90 min | $400 |
| Couple / family: each person's individual session | up to 75 min | $250 |
| Couple / family: joint feedback session | 90 min | $375 |
| Couple / family: ongoing sessions | 75 min | $310 |
| Mediation assessment (per person) | 90 min | $365 |
Medicare rebates
For eligible individual sessions.
Read →Payment & cancellations
Sessions are paid in full at booking. 48 hours' notice to change.
Read →Where & when
Gordon: Tue & Thu, 3–7:30pm. Zoom: Wed. Weekends by request. Adults 18+.
Medicare
Medicare rebates (Better Access)
As an Accredited Mental Health Social Worker, I can provide individual sessions under Better Access. With a referral and mental health treatment plan from your GP, psychiatrist or paediatrician, you may be eligible for a rebate for up to 10 individual sessions per calendar year.
Both assessment sessions count towards these 10. Couple, family and mediation sessions are private fees. Rebates can only be claimed after a session takes place.
FAQ
Common questions
What happens first?
Every new client starts with a free 15-minute intake call. If we agree to go ahead, we book your first assessment session. See Getting started.
Why is there an assessment?
It helps us decide whether the service is safe and suitable for everyone, gives each person a chance to speak privately, and helps set clear goals.
Do I need a referral?
No. A referral and mental health treatment plan from your GP is only needed to claim a Medicare rebate for individual sessions. Some private health funds may offer a rebate, so check with your fund. GPs and other referrers can email referrals to mary@marycantrill.com.au.
How often are sessions?
Usually weekly or fortnightly at first, then spaced further apart as the work progresses. We'll decide together what suits you.
Is couple therapy right if there is violence or fear?
Joint sessions aren't safe or helpful where one partner feels afraid. Assessment includes private time with each person, and if there are safety concerns, I may recommend individual support instead. 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) and the NSW Domestic Violence Line (1800 656 463) are available 24/7.
My partner isn't sure. Can I come alone?
Yes. Many people start on their own. If your partner joins later, we'll talk about how to do that fairly.
Is telehealth as effective?
For many people, yes. Sessions are on Zoom. You'll need a private space and a stable connection.
Is what we discuss confidential?
Yes, with legal and safety exceptions explained at your first session. See practice policies.
What is family dispute resolution?
A form of mediation that helps separated families reach their own agreements about parenting, property and finances. See Mediation.
Practice policies
Policies & privacy
We go through these at your first appointment. Last updated: November 2026
Cancellations & payments
- Sessions are paid in full at the time of booking, by Visa, Mastercard or American Express.
- Your consent form, intake form and questionnaire must be completed before your first session, or it cannot go ahead.
- With at least 48 hours' notice, your appointment can be moved or your payment refunded. With less notice, or if you don't attend, the fee is not refundable.
- Medicare rebates, where eligible, are claimed after the session takes place.
- If cost is a concern, please raise it with me.
- In the rare event that I need to cancel or reschedule your appointment, I will give you as much notice as possible. Your payment will be refunded in full or transferred to a new appointment, whichever you prefer.
Mediation
- The individual assessment ($365 per person) is paid in full when booking and is payable even if mediation is found unsuitable.
- Joint mediation fees are provided at assessment and must be paid in full prior to the mediation.
- Mediation fees are non-refundable once paid.
- In the event that I need to cancel, or mediation cannot safely proceed, you may choose a full refund or a new date.
No Medicare rebate applies to cancellation or non-attendance fees.
Confidentiality & its limits
What you discuss is confidential, except where the law requires or allows disclosure, including:
- a serious risk to your life, health or safety, or someone else's
- a child at risk of significant harm
- a subpoena or court order
Where possible, I'll talk with you first. With your consent, I may share information with your GP or other professionals. I take part in regular de-identified clinical supervision.
Shared files in couple & family therapy
In line with the AASW Code of Ethics and Australian privacy law, I keep one shared clinical file for each couple or family. It includes notes from joint sessions and from individual assessment sessions. Notes are written about the relationship and the work as a whole, so they generally can't be separated into individual records.
Access to a shared file
- Because a shared file holds personal information about more than one person, it can't be released to one person without the written consent of the other adults whose information it contains.
- Without that consent, access may be limited where it would unreasonably affect another person's privacy, or could put anyone's safety at risk (Australian Privacy Principle 12; Health Records and Information Privacy Act 2002 (NSW)).
- Where appropriate, I may offer a summary, a copy with other people's information removed, or access through an agreed health professional.
- If access is refused or limited, I'll explain why in writing and how you can raise a concern.
Information shared individually
I won't share something you raise individually on your behalf, but I'll help you consider bringing it into joint sessions. Safety concerns, including family violence, are never disclosed in a way that could put anyone at risk.
Records may be subject to a subpoena or court order. This is explained at your first appointment.
Privacy & how records are stored
I follow the Privacy Act 1988 (Cth), the Australian Privacy Principles and the Health Records and Information Privacy Act 2002 (NSW).
- Records are stored in Halaxy, a secure Australian-hosted practice management system with two-factor login.
- Telehealth uses Zoom with a waiting room, passcode and a private link per session. Sessions are never recorded.
- Adult records are kept for at least 7 years after your last session, then securely destroyed.
- You can request access to your records in writing. I'll respond within 30 days.
- Serious data breaches are reported to you and the OAIC.
Concerns: mary@marycantrill.com.au, then the OAIC (oaic.gov.au) or the NSW Information and Privacy Commission (ipc.nsw.gov.au).
Crisis & safety
My practice is unable to provide emergency or after-hours support, and I aim to reply to messages within two business days. If you or someone you care about is at immediate risk, please call 000 or go to your nearest emergency department. These services are available around the clock:
- Emergency: 000
- Lifeline (24/7): 13 11 14
- NSW Mental Health Line (24/7): 1800 011 511
- Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467
- 1800RESPECT (domestic, family & sexual violence): 1800 737 732
- NSW Domestic Violence Line: 1800 656 463
- Men's Referral Service (for men concerned about their behaviour): 1300 766 491
- MensLine Australia: 1300 78 99 78
If I'm concerned about serious risk, I may contact your emergency contact, GP or emergency services, and will tell you first where I can.
Feedback & complaints
Please tell me directly first. You can also contact the AASW (aasw.asn.au) or the Health Care Complaints Commission NSW (hccc.nsw.gov.au).
Website disclaimer
Information on this website is general and is not a substitute for individual professional advice. A therapeutic relationship begins only once we have agreed to work together. The length, approach and outcomes of therapy or mediation vary and cannot be guaranteed. Fees and availability may change; current fees are confirmed at booking.
Book
Free 15-minute intake call
A short phone call to see whether my service is the right fit. If we go ahead, I'll send you a link to book your assessment.
I'm unable to provide emergency or after-hours support. If you or someone you care about is at immediate risk, please call 000 or go to your nearest emergency department. For 24-hour support: Lifeline 13 11 14 · NSW Mental Health Line 1800 011 511.